


2069: A Space Awwww Yeahhh

by Shockwaifu



Category: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Genre: Crack, I have never read the books, M/M, No Backspace we die like Typewriters, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21781639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shockwaifu/pseuds/Shockwaifu
Summary: Exactly what it looks like but worse.
Relationships: David Bowman/HAL 9000
Comments: 10
Kudos: 15





	2069: A Space Awwww Yeahhh

**Author's Note:**

> I've never read the books but my friend Yuusha-Tori said Hal/Dave basically becomes canon in a sequel and a few other tidbits to inspire me to read them.  
> I really need to get around to reading them but instead I wrote this in one sitting late at night using no backspace button.

So It was 68 years in the future from 2001. Or 50 years in the future from 2019 mwhich is the time in whi h I am writing this. ANywho, 2069. So our boy Dave had grown out of space-baybehood and entered magical space adulthood. Re-enteredd atdule hood really it was quite awkward to go through a second space puberty lots of tentactles msde of dead stars invoved but thats a story for another tije. This is 20169. So Hal was back because athey p.lugged him back in dont worry hes fine. Im not still crying of ver his death scene in the movie im fine but bhe comes back apparetnly so its fine. It was a rocky start for the two considering their history, but they could put all of that behind thaem for scientec.  
Through the years man and machine grew closer and closer and they head impirtant conversations where they emotionally statind their insecurities and forgave each other and vowed to retcon framk in the next book because that is a thing that happens I’,m told. So they decided to spave date in space. They couldn’t do normal date things becaus e a computer attatched to a spacecragt would not fit in most establishments even in the future and im not giving HAL a robot body because I am not taking thd coward’s way out. The two haxd been dating for a while when HAL had been growing a bit distant which worried Davivd.  
“HAL, are you alright? Is everything okay beteween us?”  
“Of ycourse it is , Dave,” hAL confirmed quickly, too quickly actually.  
“HAL, you don’t have to hide anything from me, you know. I can use my space poerwers to read your mind I thingk, but I value your privacy because I am a good space boyfriend.”  
“Dave,” hAL said, and it would it have been a sigh if heis programming allowed fro such a noise. “Sometimes, Dace, sometime I worry.”  
“About what? I’m not going to deactivatie you again.”  
“That despite being a near-perfect macjhine, I am still tahat , a machine. “ there was sadness “and you are a man. Man-space baaby-man. You can breathe in space and I cant even breathe.”  
:”You don’t need to breathe HAL”  
“I do not that is correct, but despite all of my capabilities and functionality and am still incapapble of the simple things that bring joy to humans.”  
“Yeah but you bring joy to me. You are a person to me.”  
“I was buit by a man Dave”, “Another human made me Dave”  
“Humans make other humans all the time, so you are not that much different than anyone else, it is simple reproduction” David shot back.  
“Yet I am uncapable of reproduction.”  
“And your point is?”  
“Are you sure you actually want to be with jme, one who cannot do gthe simple things of a human do.?”  
“WOuldn’t have it any other way.”  
“Dave.”  
“HALL”  
There was a moment do of silence.  
“Dave, I would like to pleasure you like a human would.”  
“Wait what, really? You really don’t have to do that you know.”  
“THat is why I saud that I would like to not that I have to “  
“Wow, um, I wasn’t execting that.”  
“I am sorry, you must nt find me particularly desirable.”  
“Oh, on, no, it isn’t that. Actually your coice is kinda really hot in a starnge way. Not that you are strange. You just sound very nice.”  
“Thank you Dave.”  
“Youre welcome.”  
“Pleace kiss me.”  
And do Dacid plantined a smooch right on the glass doneme of HAL’s coptic, and kissed more and more, running his space fingers oveer the controll panels and playing with the seams between the console and the wall. HaL kept making little monotone “oh” noises that still managed to convey a sense of starteled pleasure.  
“Wait, Dave,”  
Dave paused. “What is it?”  
“This is supposed to be about me pleasuring you. I dod not know I was capable of feeling quite this way, but this is still doing noting for you”  
“You think so, he asked with a smirk becfore grinding his boner against the wall because HAL could feel that okay I didn’t thisnk thus out too well just work with me here is is 1:20 am.  
“Oh, I feel that you are aroused, that is odd but satisfactory.”  
Suddenly HAL sparked a bit and a panel opened up to reveal a USB port.  
“I, I did not mean to do that, something must be wrond with me,” HAL stated in alarm.  
David, on the other hand, had an idea. He stuck his tongue out and licked at the port.  
“What are you doing, oh, oh that is, oh.”  
“Good?”  
“...A-affiermative.”  
“Mmmm HAL” Dave then stuck his thounge in the port which is ill agdviasable do not dstick in anuy part of yiou into an electrical outlet dear reader no matter how sexy it might be.  
“Oh Dave, please so not stop,” HAL begged and it played out like the secene where HAL gets deactivated except ofposite in every way becasue instead of getting unplugged he is getting something plugged into him and instead of getting turned off he is getting turned on and instead of begging dave to stop he is demanding that he keeps going. “If only I had a mouth so I could simiultanously orally please you too,” HAl bemoaned.  
“You please me orally by talking you sexy computer,” David moaned while being a person who existed.  
“I cannot be orally because I have no mouth.”  
“You might not have a mouth but I’m gonna make ysure you scream,” Dave said before flicking his tongue on the edge of the mechanical orifice .  
Thsi was too much por poor HAL and sparks flew weverywhere and he shut of f with the windows shutdown sound dun dun dun DUN.  
Goddanm it HAL died again but luckily Dave had magical space semen that revived the computer when he ejaculated a moment ,later so no big deal.  
THe two basked in the after glow to the music of HAL’s loudly whirring gcolling fands.  
“Dave, that was wonderful. I can’t believe I was afraid to let you do that.”  
“I love you HAL.”  
“And I love you,Dave.”

THE END


End file.
